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How to Train Your Human

Writer’s Digest: 2021 February Flash Fiction Challenge: Day 17

Today's prompt is to write a second-person how-to.


How to Train Your Human

The first lesson you puppies will learn to day is called “The eye!” Humans have a natural response to this facial expression. Open your eyes as wide as you can and don’t blink for a few seconds so they are a bit teary. This makes your eyes more appealing.


There are two version of “They Eye”. You will learn both versions today.

Version one gets your human’s attention and keeps them interacting. Make sure your ears are at attention. Look directly into your human’s eyes. Tilt your head one way or the other, but don’t overdo it. You can alternate the head tilt when the human responds to your movements. The advanced version of this method includes fast tail wagging.


Version two is used when you want something, usually food or exercise related. It can also be used to obtain more affection. Humans are very susceptible to this. In this version, you can be standing, but sitting or lying down may be more effective. You must not look directly at your human, but at the top of your head. Humans associate this with an emotion they call sadness. Sometimes crossing one paw over the other will enhance the effect. The advanced version includes tucking your tail and vocalizing soft, sustained pitches. Warning: Use of this method may cause humans to squish and rub you or pick you up in unsanctioned ways.


The second lesson for today is exercise. Humans need exercise. They may balk, whine, or complain in many other ways, but our job it ensure their health. In order to get humans off the couch, we must engage them. Chewing on shoes, pulling toilet paper, playing hide and seek with the rug, and tag are just a few of the games you might play with your human.


The ultimate goal is to get your human outside. Fresh air is good for humans. Bark at the door and use “The Eye” and your human should attach his GPS rope to your collar. You are ready to go outside.


You can walk your human in three different ways. For energetic humans, always be in front and keep the GPS rope taught. This version is also good for giving lazy humans incentive to move faster.


For older humans, you must walk slowly. Spend time sniffing the flowers as this gives the human the allusion of exercise without overtaxing them.


Some humans feel more comfortable with you at their side. This way you are ready to help in either direction. Pay attention to your humans needs when you are by their side and always keep the GPS rope slack.


Tomorrow we will begin training on ball therapy for humans. Now, go home and practice everything you’ve learned.


Below you will see a fine example of the head tilt.




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