Do Stories Wake You Up?

I can't be sure if my brain woke me or my bladder, but besides that point, when I woke, I had the solution to the beginning of my story.

I've been working on The Adventures of Eddie Elf for about three years now. It's gone through a few rounds of critiques, and I'm still not satisfied. Something was off in the beginning and I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then, at 2:40 am I woke and knew exactly how to phrase what I needed. I grabbed my phone and sent an email to myself with the wording that I needed to start the story. It was one sentence, one idea, that's all I needed to rearrange the entire beginning to put the reader into the scene.

And here is what I came up with for chapter 1.

The buzzer rang and all the elves left the workshop to grab a bite to eat and then go to the Ice-ball field. All of them, except one.

Eddie stood at the auto-packing-machine. The last toy elf, neatly settled in its perfectly sized box, traveled on the conveyer belt into the machine. He heard the whir of the spinner and the crinkle of the plastic as it wrapped around the box. After the “zip” from the cutter, came a thud as the box dropped into the shipping bin. The only sound left was the hum of the machine.

He wished he could get dropped in the bin, too. It wasn’t fair that, the only elves that could travel and go on adventures, were the toy ones.

Eddie pushed the off button and, in the quiet that came, he heard himself sniffle. Even if he could leave, he didn’t look like the toys. His ears were bigger, and his coat and shoes were purple. Nobody would want him. Besides, Santa had a rule. No elves could leave the North Pole.

Why was he so different?

His feet slogged to the cafeteria. The other elves must have eaten quickly because Eddie had the place to himself. He piled meatballs and potatoes onto his plate, then sat down. He swirled each meatball in the sauce for about a minute, then slowly placed it in his mouth. Then the potatoes followed the same pattern. After each bite, he washed down his food with a sip of chocolate milk.

Eventually the food disappeared and Eddie forced himself to walk in the direction of the ice-ball field. He hoped the game would end before he got there.

He saw the single helmet left on the rack and he heard the teasing that always went on. All the elves and reindeer teased each other. They did it for fun, but it made Eddie feel like a bread crust; cutoff, unwanted, and thrown away.

It was worse after Rudy got his shiny nose. Rudy didn’t sit with him anymore. Rudy didn’t tell them stop. Rudy crossed over to their side and didn’t talk to Eddie at all.

Eddie plopped the helmet onto his head but it didn’t fit. His big ears stuck out at odd angles. He shoved harder, but the helmet would not go on. This wasn’t going to end well.

Scattered around the field, the other elves laughed. “What’s wrong, Rabbit Ears? Are your ears too big?”

Eddie dropped the bat and looked to Santa for help. Santa laughed, too. “Eddie, you might want to borrow a larger helmet!”

Another cry rang out, “C’mon, Ears, play ball!”

Eddie threw the tiny helmet onto the plate and stomped away.

Santa frowned and Mrs. Claus leaned over. “Perhaps Eddie doesn’t like being teased?”

Santa snorted. “It’s all in fun, part of the game.”

Mrs. Claus pointed a finger at Santa. “Does Eddie know that?”

Santa patted his big red nose. “Maybe not. I’ll talk to him later.”

Eddie reached the house that he shared with three other elves. His room was in the attic, away from the rest.

Charlie the cat followed him up the stairs. When Eddie sat down, Charlie sat in front of him and smiled a meow.  

“Hello, Charlie. You know what, Charlie?” Eddie patted him on the back, “You’re probably the only one I’ll miss from this place. Nobody else likes me.”

Eddie pulled Charlie onto his lap. “I don’t care about the stupid rule. Charlie, I am going to get out of here.”